Good visuals excite me.
The beauty of nature mesmerizes me.
Memories of Pakistan nostalgia-te me.
Position of women worries me.
Chauvinists exasperate me.
Preachers of false dogmas enrage me.
Terrorism sickens me.
Extremists frustrate me.
Moral policing infuriates me.
The lost community baffles me.
Racism saddens me.
Political bastards need to get a life!


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Muslim Women Marrying Non-Muslim Men

It is a phenomenon that isn't so wild, or out of the blue. Around the globe, many Muslim women are choosing to marry non-Muslim men.

When you type this query into any search engine, you will find results of three categories: first, soaking in Islamic sites condemning the act, quoting various verses and ahadith. Second, concerned parents whose daughters have married a non-Muslim. Third, concerned Muslim women who have fallen in love with a non-Muslim man and are trying a way to please their God, their family, and finally themselves. What a task!

Let's talk about the first, and most important category - the Islamic websites. I have to say, I have have gone through so many such websites, and they just look like copy/paste jobs of each other. No innovation, no thought provocation, just the same thing over and over again. The three famous quotations from the Quran are Surah al-baqrah (2:221), Surah al-Ma'idah (5:5) and Surah al-Mumtahinah (60:10). I know them by heart now practically, didn't even have to look them up. Anyways. Such website quote these verses, and also talk about various scholars of who said what, and I have to say, the words seem a bit disconnected. It sounds like: because oranges are orange, and apples and red, therefore you can't eat apples. Huh?? Another worrisome thing is how these websites half-quote the verses. They explicitly mention how a Muslim woman cannot marry so and so, but miss out on the part (which usually comes before) of how the Muslim men are also not allowed to marry so and so.

There are two words that are to be taken into account here: mushrikeen and kitabi. Of the three, verse 5:5 is the only place where the word kitabi is used, where the men are allowed to marry kitabi women, meaning women from the people of the Book. Verse 2:221 talks of the mushrikeen who are not permitted to either men or women of Islam. But nowhere is there a discussion about Muslim women not permitted to marry kitabi men. So is the Quran quiet about this? What are we to interpret from this silence? It is allowed but not encouraged?

I agree women can be weak, and give in to their husbands, which in case for a Muslim women could mean loss of her religion. But does Allah really rule out any intelligence or supremacy of a women? Does He really think I am not worthy or capable of keeping my stand and taking care of my rights? Maybe He thinks I can. But also knows that not every woman would be capable of that. Perhaps that is why He is quiet. He lets me decide for myself.

If Islam is about peace and equality, it should show through and through. Mere-mortal-men and so-called scholars have no authority to dictate like tyrants over women. They are eager to call for protection of Muslim women's rights by syaing they can't marry anyone but a Muslim man. But where is their call to all Muslim men when women are being mercilessly beaten at their hands; when their marital rights are violated; when men go about practicing polygamy without keeping in mind that there are rules that must be followed before they can even think of a second of third or fourth wife; when women are held responsible for every sexual titilation a man may feel; when a 2-day old girl is killed in an honor killing. Sex is not the only ingredient a man is created with. And sex-supremacy-power are the worst combination of human traits ... in this world at least.

The worst part is when governments are involved in, and are against rights for women. They think that family life and the sanctity of the society will deteriorate if women are given so many rights. We are nothing but child-bearing, mindless creatures, created for their sexual pleasures.

Not me!

At the end, I think a Muslim woman has every right to choose a husband that she finds fit to her needs and liking. This husband can be of any color, race, cultural background, as long as he is a chaste kitabi, from the people of the book.


  1. the only reason women marrying people of the book is a concern is because traditionally the husband's religion is carried out to the children so it's a loss of a generation that could have been muslim. It barely has anything to do with the women's intelligence and supremecy.If the husband and wife decide to raise the children muslim that is another matter. Also, the injustice of this world done by hypocrites within our society (the scholars you speak of) should not be mixed with islamic studies. Although they claim to be muslims their actions speak otherwise, therefore tainting Islam. As God states in the Quran; the hypocrites within us are much more dangerous then our clear enemies.

    Since we are on this topic i would also like to highlight that the people of the book considered today can only be jews. christians today claim believe in one God but they associate with him (claiming prophet isa (jesus) being son of God, trinity etc) creating indirect polytheism.

    i hope i have answered ur call for knowledge. If you have any other questions feel free to ask. =)

    also if i have made a mistake here (i don't think i have but just in case lol) then please forgive me as it is not intentional.

  2. Hello Captain,

    Thanks for your commenting, and super-thanks for keeping it civil :) *thumbs up*

    In you comment, you said, "If the husband and wife decide to raise the children muslim that is another matter." The problem is, there are several cases where Muslim women have found this agreement with their non-Muslim partners that their kids will be Muslim, but still the family, the society and the clergy is against it. Take the example of Dr Taj Hargey, the imam in UK, who has taken to wed Muslim women to non-Muslim women, and he is faced with such severe criticism. And if you've read over him, you'll find that he councils the couples before marriage, and makes them sign and agree to 5 basic points that protect the woman's right and her religion, and these are non-negotiable.

    So if the religion is still expanding, then what's the problem? Everyday women in around the world face this issue of not being able to marry a man of their choice for various reasons, including that of religion. Worst cases being forced marriages, and everyone will agree that such marriages are invalid. But nobody says anything about them, or calls them zina or fornication.

    About Christianity. May I also say that like Islam, that religion is also divided into multiple sects. And not every sect believes in Jesus' divinity. Catholics are bad at that. Mormons, Jehovah's Witness, and the like are other examples. I have personally met Christians who are confused about the subject of trinity, and don't really seem to believe that Jesus is God. Then there are some, who really say that Jesus (p.b.u.h) was just a prophet.

    So we can't rule everyone out. There are Jews, and among Christians as well, who are strictly monotheists. And that is basically the requirement.

    As for a woman's intelligence and supremacy. Only an intelligent, learned, self-thinking and strong woman would be able to retain her religion while in an interfaith marriage. And that is why we need to bring up stronger daughters, instead of weak ones, and then tell them that they can only marry Muslims.

    I hope I've answered in an equally respectful manner.


  3. salaam lol

    ok first point:
    did u say muslim women with non-muslims women?
    same sex relations of such kind are forbidden in islam.

    if you meant muslim women with non-muslim men then it doesn't matter if he gets criticized or not. You have to agree with me that doing the right thing is not always favorable by the majority of the public, and the majority of the public is not usually right. It even states that in the Quran that you should not fear the numbers of the enemy even if they much more then you; you must do the right thing no matter what and God will protect you himself.

    And concerning the clergy i must advise you to follow through the Quran yourself as you came to this world alone and will leave alone. It advises muslims to stop following everyone and find out their own answers from God as you will be individually charged for your sins; no one will accounted for anyone else. It's okay to seek advice from the clergy but it is not okay if you do not question the advice and see if it is right by islamic terms by yourself.

    2. the world is expanding; correct. The earth is a world of conflict and not our permanent destination; it is only our test or path towards our indefinite fate. so don't worry about all the problems because everyone faces them; in one way or the other and they are not permanent. Now that doesn't mean that we sit there and watch injustice happen. It is our duty as muslims to stand up against them, but unfortunately the knowledgeable minds lack power or courage and do not do or simply cannot do much about it. They (the knowledgeable people) don't have a platform (for example. a political party representing their ideas or point of views) so their points never get across.

    3. I live in nyc. Christianity here and all over the world (i've studied it) lacks it's true form. The bible (their holy book) has been edited so much by men that their religion is not the same religion that was of the time of Prophet Muhammad (may peace be upon him) and definitely not Prophet Isa. That being; they aren't really the people of the book. Most christians over the world anyway are christians by name and are really agnostic or don't really follow it thoroughly. Like you said there is much confusion between them and what they believe in.

    i would also like to point out that most if not all sects in Islam follow the quran and believe in God and his prophets. That isn't the case with christianity; they are all divided among who is really God and what relationship does jesus (Prophet Isa) has with him and stuff like that. What i'm trying to say is that they don't have a common base of understanding. Each sect's viewpoint is so different that you can easily confuse each sect to a different religion.

    4. I've noticed that the pakistani/muslim communities have really strong daughters (not physically but mentally and religious wise lol). I believe there is a problem with the men not the women =) lol.

    btw i know i just said some complicated stuff so if u have a question just ask.

    and the same error rule applies from the first post lol (it's important you do this when your talking about religion because you don't wanna misguide someone by mistake)

  4. ahahah ... clearly a typo! Let's just stick to the topic of inter-faith, and leave inter-faith-uni-sex alone :P

    1. Captain, where are there more people like you man? Join my facebook page, and give it a boost please! There is a badge under the poll of the page. I have NEVER come across a Muslim man who agrees with me on this matter. Leave alone men, even women sometimes don't agree.

    You said: "You have to agree with me that doing the right thing is not always favorable by the majority of the public..."

    I not only agree with you, that's my motto nowadays!

    As for the clergy. Yes I listen to them. But I don't follow them blindly like the majority. If everybody is jumping down the well, I don't have to.

    2. You've pointed out a very grave issue. Getting our vices heard! The extreme liberals are being heard, and the extreme conservative are being hear. And their cacophony, the middle (and rational) human being is getting lost.

    3. What you have said, if I say the same to invalidate Muslim men marrying non-Muslims, then the absolute response is: yea it is difficult to find them, but we are still allowed, Quran is for all times, and if we do marry one, we are not breaking any laws. So yea, i'll say something of the sort too. It IS difficult to find the proper kitabi as per the requirement of Quran, but if you do find one, it isn't wrong to go ahead with marriage.

    4. Yes, quite a few are strong, and quite a few are .. you get my point. And the increasing worry over the lack of proper, and equally standing Muslim men in the relevant cultural community is also a big factor in Muslim women looking else where. And what they may end up with may be a Muslim, and may not be a Muslim, since we do live in an extremely multi-cultural-racial-religious society. It seems just too awkward to cut your opportunities to nada just like that.

    p.s. you are not being complicated. for the first time someone is being sane.

  5. lol thanks for the sane comment

    1. Your doing the right thing. I bet you didn't even know that the Quran states that! Thats how beautiful the Quran is; every thing or step we realize is right is already included in the Quran, we just never look in to it.

    2. I don't believe in liberals/conservatives. I believe in either right and wrong. To me the Quranic laws are the right laws (don't confuse with sharia or any other "Islamic" laws people use for their own personal advantages). Islam is a really practical religion but its laws and rules often get ignored or misinterpreted; unless we understand and enforce the laws of God then we are really not right at all. what do you think?

    3. It's not wrong at all; but where r u gonna find one? lol and even if you do; will he accept his children and wife to be muslim? really hard task there buddy lol

    4. See the problem lacks on the basis of our society these days. While everyone is chasing money they forget the real purpose they are here for; Islam. If economic desires were curved by a society, then it will automatically generate knowledgeable men and women. But in the current society, i'll say you can tell a good individual by his/her own actions as well his parent's actions (his parents actions don't count if he/she does not have a proper interaction with them).

  6. Dear Emaan,
    You disappoint me. I read the article with interest and admiration only to find it all being dashed to pieces with your conclusion that you would be open to marrying a non-muslim - a chaste Kitabi. Not that Hindus and other people of books that the prophet did not know of during his lifetime are queuing to marry Muslim girls. I am a mother of two daughters and my advice to you and other girls is to marry within the faith. That would be my advice to you as well - because marriage for a woman brings with it a baggage of compromises - you do not want to add one more compromise - that of deciding what religion your children will practice - to the mix. While your thoughts of questioning muslim beliefs is laudable, for practical reasons I would advise you to marry wihtin the faith. I do however empathise with you because as a modern educated woman you will find it difficult to deal with the issues of polygamy, divorce and custody rights that condemn a muslim woman to a second class status.
    It is a conundrum and I hope you find a happy solution.

  7. The whole problem is that what right does the freakin state and society have even in case of a marriage not permitted by Islam to intervene and stop people?

    Islam has made it very clear as to what sins it wants punished in this world and they are defined as hudood. The rest of the sins are between God and man so I think mullas should go and take a hide.

  8. "what right does the freakin state and society have even in case of a marriage not permitted by Islam to intervene and stop people?"

    ^ pakistan is an islamic state; the dilemma begins and ends with that

  9. "as a modern educated woman you will find it difficult to deal with the issues of polygamy, divorce and custody rights that condemn a muslim woman to a second class status."

    r u talking in terms of Islamic law or just a nation's culture?
    if u r talking about Islamic law then i highly disagree with you.

  10. @ Anonymous: everything in our life revolves around compromises. It isn't always a bad thing, and we should embrace it. One compromise is to agree to disagree.
    "I do however empathise with you because as a modern educated woman you will find it difficult to deal with the issues of polygamy, divorce and custody rights that condemn a muslim woman to a second class status."
    As a country philosophy, yes. Under Islam, no. I empathize with you to believe (if you do) that under Islam a modern woman should feel a second class citizen. It just a bunch of nonsense chauvinism and patriarchy has taught us.
    As for kids. I truly believe that a fitri Muslim is not doing anybody any favor for being on this earth. Mixed kids have a big chance of being smarter, more tolerant, and more investigative about religion. It all depends on the parents. Responsibility is the key to a successful marriage. You cant jump in it with hormonal outbursts. I will teach my children everything about Islam. And if it is the true religion, it will attract them regardless. And perhaps my husband too over the years. If my kids make a conscious decision about being Muslims, that's much more appreciable.

    @skunk yea ... maybe camping in the woods under pure nature would calm these mullahs down a bit.
    "what right does the freakin state and society have even in case of a marriage not permitted by Islam to intervene and stop people?"
    - as captain said.

    @captain you never know what you may end up finding. but not searching just because it's so difficult is like giving up, and Islam doesn't like that now, does it? :D ...
    on a separate note ... Quran says to men and women to marry chaste people. considering our society .. do you how difficult it is to even find a suitable chaste muslim fellow? lol

  11. Dear Emaan,
    Thank you for the response. As per your response, you will teach your children (of this mixed marriage) all about Islam and hope that they (if they accept it as the true religion) will become Muslims and you hope that eventually your husband will also accept Islam. If you are serious about this inter-faith marriage, I would advise you to discard notions of true and false faiths - your relationship with god is a personal one and one religion is not superior to the other. Also discard the notion of non-believers - every one believes in some pathway to God. So question your motives to enter into the inter-faith marriage - if it is to find a husband who is honorable and good as a human being - accept him for what he is without any long term hope of converting him and your kids.
    Seriously you are not open-minded enough to enter into an inter-faith marriage. Islam, very rightly, is important to you and from your article and response I can assume that you are looking for a moderate muslim - one who shares your spiritual outlook. All the best on your quest.

  12. @ emaan
    there are plenty out there; ive seen some of the most puriest pakistani muslims here in nyc! which is really a pleasure to see since almost everything in nyc contradicts our religious view.
    and also seen alot of them in pakistan too
    kya pata koi tumhare aas paas hi ho ;) lol

  13. @Anonymous Sorry, but I have to disagree with you. Hope without expectation is the answer. It may have sounded like I am pinning hopes on long term fruitfulness of my expectations (conversion of my family), but that in fact is not the case. It was just to say, if somebody has to come to it, they are most welcome. But I am nobody to force them into it. Expectation put pressure on loved ones. This pressure does good to nobody.
    But thank you for making this judgment for me that I am not open-minded. No matter how moderate a Muslim man maybe, his expectations from his wife are nothing less that that of a non-moderate Muslim man (not meaning conservative, but culturally we are conditioned in certain ways, and men of our culture seem to have an unconscious affirmation ticking 24/7 that they have absolute authority over their wives.)

    @Captain kaisi batein ker rahay hain. astaghfirullah ... lol .. i just had to say that. Anyways. Perhaps there are nice "pure" Pakistani guys around you. Unfortunately i've had an entirely different experience and exposure. I'll say it again. Cultural conditioning of our men and women is questionable in my eyes.

  14. very nice debate u guys have going on i must say , very knowledgable, I know this girl from NYC . Her parents came from pakistan and all the sisters were born here , parents lived away for work and left them to live in in an apartment alone , long story short the children as expected merged into the society they were brought up in , they had boyfriends , partying , drinking blah blah and one of them recently married a hindu guy , actually an Athiest whose parents are hindus and they told her parents afterwards and pulled up a drama muslim wedding just to fool her family into thinking that she is not only muslim but the guy has even converted , which is a lie cause personally they laugh about it and i've heared the girl saying that she doesn't even believe in God, any God, like her husband . You see People manipulate things like that like captain said we have hipocrits that are very dangerous to us and to the religion . I think in the end a person knows and can find the answers if they wanted to . The important thing is most of the time when people don't find the answer they are looking for they start to manipulate the system and or religion in order to satisfy only themselves like GHALIB said " Hum ko maloom hai jannat ki haqeeqat laikin , dil kai behlanay ko ghalib khayal acha hai , i live in california , i cannot tell u how many muslims in America sell Alcohol or are affiliated with a business that deals with Alcohol and they all are proud muslims now if you tell them about a hadith thats goes something like this " sharab pina pilana lana lejana sharab se har tarhan ka talluq haram hai" but yet every single person that i meet will some how convince u that they are not doing any thing wrong or its not their business or they just work at the store blah blah so u see we muslims are the problem and not the religion . Religion is perfect and complete . You just have to be honest when you follow it and if you do end up doing some thing wrong then instead of trying to twist the system or manipulating just admit that what you are doing is wrong and you are to blame and not the religion or some one else.

  15. pakistan is an islamic state!!!!!!! SINCE WHEN?????
    oH! sorry I guess it is. But Islam was not to be the state religion.

  16. like any other invention religion too,is an invention by the human to meet his/her desire to face the has evolved over the ages and is still evolving. it is time people start living their lives by human right convention and forget religion.
    marriage is a contract between two humans they should have the right to decide the matter without any interference what so ever.
    hats off to the brave girl.

  17. As a mom I find that I am the one responsible for teaching children whatever I want about religion (my hubby and I are different sects). Similarly it was my mother who took decisions about my religious education. I see that happening everywhere around me, so I have always had my reservations about assuming that children WILL follow their father's religion. Finally though, I haven't ended up becoming what I should have according to my upbringing.

  18. sorry Mehboob but you are so wrong . Religion of Islam was completed 15 hundred yrs ago , now watever addition any one makes into it to fit and fullfill their own desires in the name of evolution or what ever is a sin as big as Shirq.look at what's happened to christianity , the religion has been evaluated so much that now its just come down to one thing , Believe in jesus (Hazrat Issa ) has ur saviour and son of god and all ur deeds are forgiven , give me a break .

  19. There are too many anonymous people. Be brave! :D Anyhow, here are my responses, you know which one is for you :D

    @Anonymous1 Thanks for your post. But I don't really see the relevance. Do you mean I am twisting religion to suit my taste?
    As for the NYC girl. What she does is her business, it isn't hurting me, only herself. I don't support lies, one should come out clean. At least be true to yourself. But if life is just a bunch of jokes, as it sounds like for this girl, yeah ... what can I say then?

    @da-real-slim-shady I second that!

    @mahboob Thanks for the appreciation. What you state is really a theory that very much exists. I do feel that the meaning of religion has largely been contorted, I guess we need to get back into semantics and linguistics. But personally I don't dwell on the no-God side. I think there definitely is a Creator. My only problem is how we have made Him a part of our life. I have monstrous doubts about if this is what God wanted by creating humanity. We are so off-track, we don't even know ... hahahaha

    @Anonymous2 I agree. Mothers teach their children. But the what they should teach is often a guideline handed over to the woman. But in cases of marrying within faith, men usually don't have to worry about that (and of course this is largely the case). Children turn out to be whatever they wish, you can only teach so far. So blaming interfaith marriage for twisted kids is a farce. Twisted kids and come out of anywhere. It depends on many factors.

    @Anonymous3 I don't think mahboob asked for any additions in Islam, he's on a completely different frame of thought. Shirk comes only if you believe in God first.
    Christianity isn't over-evaluated, it is simply a result of the selfish wants of a few men. Islam, on the other hand is evaluated to the extent that I feel they are holding information in fear of losing power.

  20. they? see thats where the problem lies, all the information u need is in the Quran and Ahadith , its all there , now its up to a person to see it , the problem with us is that we don't normally look for the truth but rather a loop hole to try to satisfy our own beliefs and needs whatever they are if they are against the rules of Quran and sunnah . and a few christian men? i belief there is a couple billion christians in the world and most are catholic and most do belief that Jesus is the son of god and saviour of man kind , so ya may be a few twisted thing long long ago in the begining of the church but don't people have their own brains? everyone is given the ability to think for them selves, and abt the NYC girrl is just an example of women marrying outside islam , there are hundreds of others , see the truth is women are week , mostly get married cause they don;'t wanna be alone and its hard to find a guy to begin with for most muslims or so they think , it takes a very very strongly motivated person to deny the worldy things for the sake of ALLAH , i do belief its ok in certain circumstances to marry outside of islam just like in certain circumstances its ok to eat PIg , but seriously how many do that. ALLAH knows better what anyone does . The rules are there in the Quran and Ahadith and it don't matter a bit what u and i think .

  21. @ emaan - don't look for them; let them find u.
    if it's in ur destiny then it will happen. And remember this world isn't our permanent destination so even if you don't then that doesn't mean it's going to stay like that forever.

  22. @ the real slim shady - yes it was
    see islam respects other religions and ensures them safety; thats y jinnah proposed Pakistan as a nation for the muslims of south asia and it's minorities

  23. @ mahboob - u sound like an atheist and i really see a lot of flaws within ur statement
    learn about islam through the quran ; u'll know what i mean by the above statement then

  24. @ emaan - if you having any questions or doubts; then read the quran (in translation); it is the word of God and has everything you need to know in it
    also im here for ur questions lol so just hit me with every doubt u have :D

  25. @Anonymous It's so weird that the strangest responses are from anonymous people. Anyways. Wake me up from my denial when a mosque refuses a man who wants to marry a non-Muslim. Because according to the prevalent criteria by which a woman is denied the right, a man should be too, and the law should be as strict about it as well. Oh wait, we aren't out of patriarchy yet, and no person in power or control says he's wrong. Bollocks!

    @Captain as much as I've read, Pakistan was supposed to mean freedom from any minority rights abuse. Pakistan ka matlab kya, La illaha ... came way later.. And now we're just a bunch of under-educated, culture-twisted, supersticious patriarchs. And yea, I'm waiting. But i'm not gonna sit and do nothin you know. That is something like "i will do dua, dawa is too bitter and all chemicals"

  26. @emaan- Islam is freedom for every minority too
    n that is what pakistan was supposed to represent; the beauty of Islam. But corruption took over the nation b4 the law even got established. n sometimes yaar you just have to wait lol, trust me it will come to you when it has to. Until then read a book; lmao just kidding lol. But if your impatient like me then search but just don't lose yourself in the process =)

  27. @captain yeah .. the beauty of Islam that is being corrupted left right and center. It's such a shame to read the news everyday about the non-Muslim not being treated well in Muslim countries.
    I let it come to me, and meanwhile I read a book too :D ... which one are you reading? I want to order one of Asra Nomani's books.
    And no I don't get lost. I'm freaking 25 you know! I have to search.
    It was such a beautiful day today, all warm and sunny. And now it's thunder and rain :( I had plans for Saturday :(
    oooooooo I tried online dating. On Muslim dating sites. What a bunch of hypocrites and horny people!

  28. @ emaan - don't blame the failure of humans on Islam lol
    the only one i read is the Quran; it's the only one i need to read lol. For entertainment i watch movies.

    lol not losing yourself physically but mentally.

    lol finding good people online? good luck lol

  29. @Captain When did I blame the failure of humans on Islam? Their failure is on their own exaggerated accord.
    I am not good with movies. baaaaaaaaah. Quran is good but it doesn't stop us from reading other stuff you know ;P
    ahahaha ... when i lose myself physically, then it'll be like, "oh, shit." So let's not let that happen either =D
    and no i wasn't trying to find people online, I'm not even looking for a Muslim, remember =D ... I did it for fun, just to see what happens. MY GOD!

  30. @ emaan -
    srry misread ur comment(i thought it meant beauty of Islam to corrupt left and right; srry honest mistake)

    movies are awesome; faster and more pleasing to the eyes then books

    i read other stuff too but not for entertainment; for knowledge, like biographies, history etc

    lol it was more shocking then fun wasn't it lol

  31. I like Muslim women. I want to marry Muslim woman. I am a non-Muslim man and I don't want to become a Muslim. How should I go about this?



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